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hopelessly_lost  
hopelessly_lost
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Last Visit: More than 3 months

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Information:
Gender:   Woman
Birthdate:   January 14, 1986
(38 years old)
Astrological Compatibility
Lives in:   Chicago, Illinois, United States
Relocate?:   No
Height:   Prefer not to say
Body Type:   Average
Smoking:   I'm a non-smoker
Drinking:   I'm a light/social drinker
Drugs:   I don't use drugs
Education:   Some grad school
Race:   Caucasian
Sexual Orientation:   Straight
Speaks:   English
Hair Color:   Brown
Hair Length :   Medium
Eye Color :   Gray
Glasses or Contacts :   Contacts


LifeStyle
I think about ALT lifestyle:   All the time
Role:   Submissive
Level of Experience:   One to five years
Dress:   Other
Social Orientation :   Liberal
Safe Sex:   Yes
Demeanor:   Assertive

Personal
Breast Size: 36 / 80 DD (E, if no DD)
Religion: Other

swinger



   
38 year old Woman in Chicago, Illinois, United States Looking For: Men

Profile for hopelessly_lost
Looking for my Master. Or, hoping He might look for me. Unsure of how to go forward, but knowing only that I need to try. I'm submissive to my very core, not weak. There have been times I've allowed myself to be trampled, in the name of exploration, and I've become more cautious than I've been in the past. I truly believe that my submission is a part of my nature, my soul, my only way of being. Coming to terms with this has made me calmer and more at peace, but it has also increased my sense of feeling isolated, forced to keep this truth to myself for fear of being misunderstood. Sometimes I feel despair, true Masters are few and far between. And what am I, to gain attention from a Master? I'm a work-a-holic, exercise junkie, super-intense perfectionist. I'm pretty certain there is more coffee in my veins than blood. I work in healthcare management, which is high stakes and high stress, but I like to think I'm good at it. My whole life I've always been the one that made the decisions, with my friends, with my family... Based on my personality, I've had people assume that I'm Dominant. I guess I'm really more of a stereo type. The woman who is so in charge of everything wants only to be Dominated by a strong man. Before I found kink, I always though of myself as being "old-fashioned." I enjoy domestic servitude, cleaning and cooking and running errands for a Master. But there is trade off, and I crave being cared for as well. That is the part I never seem to get quite right, always rushing to the relief of submission and ended up being taken advantage of. I tend to be impatient, feeling that I wasted time in vanilla misery... but I've acted too quickly before and found myself with regrets. I can be a bit of a thrill seeker, I get off on my own vulnerability, which leads me to reveal truths to those who have not earned the trust required to keep them safe. So now I intend to go slow, but with determination and hopefully more clarity. I am coming to believe that in exploring kink I have made my opinions and desires too vague, for fear of alienating potential connections. However, perhaps all that has really gotten me is vague connections with only vaguely similar desires. I am not interested in being anyone's extra-marital anything. If I am reaching to high, to think that a Master might allow me to earn both a collar and a wedding ring, then so be it. I will accept whatever suffering such lofty goals will bring. I have been asked to accept being a side arrangement in the past and all it does it erode my self worth and lose confidence that I am worthy of anything. Surely the Master I seek would understand that, and wish the world to know of His ownership, by whatever medium is most appropriate. Surely its not all some fairy tale. I can be dramatic at times. I have a good life, better than many, and I do appreciate it. Sometimes just to be me is enough, its supposed to be, after all. But once accepted, some things can not be unknown. I have accepted my identity and found myself ownerless and alone, wandering by the dim light of the stars, breathing only by the hope that Master will find me, and finally allow the sun to rise. [if254 1]

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